I will follow You

Have you ever had trouble singing one song and being truthful about it? Well that happened to me yesterday at the worship service.

We were singing "May the Words of my Mouth" The lyrics go like this:

May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart
Bless Your name, bless Your name, Jesus
And the deeds of the day and the truth in my ways
Speak of You, speak of You, Jesus

For this is what I'm glad to do
It's time to live a life of love that pleases You
And I will give my all to You
Surrender everything I have and follow You
I'll follow You

Lord, will You be my vision, Lord, will You be my guide
Be my hope, be my light and the way
And I'll look not for riches, nor praises on earth
Only You'll be the first of my heart

I will follow
I will follow
I will follow You

Near the end of the song, Karyn was saying that if this is what we are going to do, we need to stand and proclaim it. I stood for a few seconds but then I asked myself what I was doing. I was completely lying to everyone in that congregation. It's not that I don't want to follow what God has for me, I know that his plans are bigger than mine and his plans are better than mine. But I do not want what he has for me right now. What I want is getting in the way of what God wants. It should not be that way. This is what God wants for me right now:

-To stay at New West and be involved with the RAW group from New West (doing open airs and missions stuff)
-Be involved with the Youth and Young Adults group (being the fund-raising coordinator)

What I want right now is:

-To drop out of school and move to Summerland.
-To move to Summerland so I can minister to my non-believing friends there.
-To just plainly move to Summerland, for many many reasons.

So anyways, I stood up for a few seconds and then I was like "I am lying to everyone around me" so I was very convicted, so I went up to the mercy seat and spent some time with God asking him to take over my life and be the center of my life. I asked him for forgiveness for wanting what i want and not what he wants. Cuz it is so true, I want my own way. I want to do what I want to do. I could be doing the stuff that God wants me to do, and still be in Summerland. I could work with the RAW group from there, I could be the fund-raising coordinator for their youth group. But for some reason God wants me to do that stuff in New West.

Dear Father, I pray that you would take over my life. Be the center of it. Help me want what you want. I am so sick of being so self-centered, and wanting what I want. My desire to move to Summerland is greater than my desire to follow what you want, and that should NOT be that way. I ask for your forgiveness for being so stupid. I want my desire to follow you to be greater than ANYTHING in my life. Be the center of my thoughts, my life, my plans, my everything. I pray all these things in Jesus' precious name. Amen!

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (NLT)
For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you," says the LORD. "I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and bring you home again to your own land."