Sharing in Community

Ok, so lately for the past month we have been hanging out with a couple guys that started to come to CHT on sunday nights. They are awesome guys! I enjoy hanging out with them so much. They are hilarious people and we have so much fun! Granted I havent slept much lately because of staying at their "Cereal Box" (the nickname for their house) til the wee hours of the morning. But suprisingly I am not as tired as I was when I wasnt hanging out with them. Like I was more tired before than I am now. I think that might have to do with being in fellowship with other believers (one who is interested in the whole God scene and one who is a new believer).

I think that before I was in constant fellowship with them, I was tired and kinda depressed. I really hate to say that, but if I want to be authentic in my life, I have to be truthful and not hide. I was very lonely and depressed because I just couldn't have a relationship with guys, i dont know why but I just felt like I couldnt be friends with them without wanting more than friendship. Then I pursue what I realy wanted and it screwed things up. Friendships were ruined, and things were awkward. But all I had were friendships with girls (with the exception of my best friend Chris, he lives in Alberta) and I duno why, but i just had a longing to be good friends with a guy, no strings attached. But if things were to go to another level i would have been fine with that too.

I am finding that with the relationship that I have with these two guys I am not ready to pursue anything with them. Yes they both are attractive and really nice guys, I am just really happy with the friendship we have and I would be totally scared to ruin that. If i were to say anything to either of them and have things not work out I would be deathly scared of ruining that special relationship. Their friendship means a lot to me and i would hate to lose them. Wow this blog kinda went off on a tangent.

where was I? Oh yes, community. I am finding that I am less tired (even tho i stay out late) now than when I was not in community with my friends. I was very lonely, and felt like nobody wanted to hang out with me, cuz my friends and i rarely hung out, and now its these 2 guys, my best friend, my brother and I and we all hang out...sometimes my brother isnt there. and I am much happier and i look forward to everyday, cuz i get to see everyone and hang out with them. It gives me something to look forward to if i am having a bad day or am bored at school I think about whats to come and I am happier.

Wow ths blog didnt raelly make sense...sorry. Ill post it and hopefully it made sense, if nobody comments then i will know they didnt understand and I will reword it haha.. or if u do know what I am talking about coment and let me know ur thoughts lol.

anywho, its late (well not as late as i usually go to bed haha..this would be just the start of hanging out with the two guys haha..but i gotta get up early tomorrow.)

Blessings...